Just For Fun

I have always believed in the 11th commandment, the one that gives proper perspective to all the other 10. In fact, if the 11th commandment had not been deleted this old world would not be the insane pressure cooker we know it as today. It is a little known fact that there were originally not 10 commandments but rather 11. Paraphrased, it went something like, "Remember Thou to lighten up."

So, you want to know more about the story of the 11th Commandment? When Moses first came down from the mountain top, huffing and puffing and carrying those stone tablets, only to find his desert road trip companions totally tripping out and intoxicated with all forms of assorted debauchery and pleasure, he recognized immediately the handiwork of the great god, Pan. He didn't break those stone tablets out of anger. No way - that was a cold and calculated act, knowing full well that such a rowdy, horny, golden calf-worshipping bunch would no way in hell pay any attention to the 10 commandments, as long as the 11th commandment was also written in stone.

Moses had already chastised Yaweh for including it in His decrees. The reason that he had spent so much time on the mountain in the first place was to argue against the inclusion of old Number Eleven. To carve it in stone as an actual commandment was simply absurd to Moses. After all, who knew His people better, anyway? Who had led them out of Egypt and slavery, pissed off Pharoah, parted the Red Sea and kept them together for 40 years under the most stressful conditions on earth? He had kept them alive through a desert trek that had lasted for generations, fed them when they were starving by calling down bread from the heavens, commanded water from a rock to slake their thirst.

So he comes down from the mountain, carrying with him not just some trite advice like Doctor Phil might pull out of his ass, but a genuine blueprint for life, complete with step by step instructions and rules to live by - in short, everything needed to ensure peaceful coexistence. And the fist thing he sees is that, in his absence, his people have been having more fun than Charlton Heston at a shooting gallery. They're dancing and carousing, fornicating to beat the band, and the wine is flowing like water. Moses takes one look at his brethren, rockin' and rollin' to the sound of some African beat on the desert dance floor. He takes a look at all those shalt nots carved into the stone tablets he is carrying. He takes a long, closer look at the ladies, shaking that thing and jiving all around the place - showing their ankles, no less! Another look at the shalt not list in his arms... I, II, III, IV... aha... gets to number XI and just shakes his head. There it is, carved in stone, "Thou shalt not take thyself too seriously." What kind of commandment is that?

So, old Moses loses it, breaks the 11th commandment himself as he breaks the stone tablets in his self indulgence, lets his people know in no uncertain terms that they had better get their shit together by the time he returns, then storms back up that old mountain side to have a little talk with Jehovah. Hmmm... I don't know how he convinced Him to recarve those stones but Moses came back down that hill with only 10 commandments. It might have been a trade off so that he never did get to step foot upon the promised land. And the rest, as they say, is history.

So, in the spirit of the long lost but not quite forgotten 11th commandment, I invite you all to share with me certain things that will help to remind us to avoid the temptation of taking ourselves too seriously.